Free PDF Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating (The Rules), by Ellen Fein
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Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating (The Rules), by Ellen Fein
Free PDF Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating (The Rules), by Ellen Fein
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Review
"The Rules is a must-read." --People "The Rules isn't just a book. It's a movement, honey." --Oprah Winfrey"Even supermodels have to play hard to get... because it works. Not Your Mother's Rules is a smart look at how dating has changed--the Rules still hold true as ever!" --Cheryl Tiegs
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About the Author
Ellein Fein and Sherrie Schneider are the authors of The Rules, The Rules II, The Rules for Marriage, and The Rules for Online Dating. They run a dating and relationship consultation service as well.
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Product details
Series: The Rules
Paperback: 272 pages
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing; 45405th edition (January 8, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1455512583
ISBN-13: 978-1455512584
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.8 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.0 out of 5 stars
210 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#17,831 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I have read a lot of reviews of The Rules that say, “It’s manipulating men,†or “You want a man to fall in love with you, and how can he do that if he doesn’t know who you really are.†Really? Please.I discovered the rules after doing it my way through out college and after a 4 year relationship ended with a guy telling me, “There’s nothing wrong with you, I just don’t love you.†After that relationship ended I went through a series of bad relationships where I was as open and honest as I could be with them and myself and I kept hearing the same thing, “You’re great, you’re just not the one.†I’d meet a guy, spend some time with them --- and just as I start to let my guard down and trust them I’d get basically the same line, sometimes just after a month—most of the time I was sort of like, “um, I don’t think you’re the one either…we’ve only known each other for a month!â€So here I was at my wits end, trying to figure out why, if I was so great, why no guy wanted to commit to me. I’ve read a lot of articles about the hook up culture, and that was the world I guess I lived in. Short relationships where the pinnacle of romance is a text instead of a love letter. That is when I discovered the rules.I wish I would have discovered the rules years and years ago. For one thing, I would have kicked the aforementioned 4 year time-waster to the curb years ago for being an absolute ass. For another thing: the majority of my 20’s would have been a lot more fun. Days and months of worrying about the one guy I was seeing – wondering if he “really†liked me, even after we slept together…and of course they would dump me, calling me “clingy†for wanting to see them on Friday or Saturday nights…you know…date nights.The rules are not about finding “the one.†With the right guy, the rules don’t really matter – the rules are more about weeding out time wasters or as Bridget Jones would say “emotional F&*!k wits.â€Some of the “rules†they prescribe – like straightening your hair if it’s curly (mine is) or wearing short skirts or big hoopy earings and high heels are a little bit excessive. The most I can say is they can’t really hurt. The idea is to allow you to feel your most beautiful and confident. If you’re getting male attention with curly hair, studs and flats, I don’t particularly think you need to change, but dressing sexy and grooming well says “I take care of myself.†The idea of being a “creature unlike any other†means you value yourself, and a man should value you if he is going to be worth your time.By the time I had fully embraced the rules, I realized that there was no manipulation involved. How can you be manipulating someone if you’re not really standing around waiting for him to call you? I found I didn’t like online dating (the guys expected too much too soon), and started making myself go out Thursday nights and weekends (if I didn’t have a date) to meet new people. I would go out by myself if necessary just to be around people. I ended up making a lot of friends that way. I also got quite a few dates this way. 3 was the magic number for the amount of men I would date at once. 2 didn’t guarantee I would have a date on the weekends and 5 was less like dating and more like crowd control. If a guy asked for my number, I would give it to him. If he didn’t call, what did I care? If he asked me out too late in the week, very politely, I would decline. If the guy really liked me after all, he would either ask me out for the next week or call again. I didn’t have to feel guilty about dating 3 men at once. Why would I? One of the rules: Don’t sleep with him you’re in a committed monogamous relationship.I found whenever I broke or tried to bend the rules, the guy whoever he was, quickly lost interest. The guys I followed to the rules with either fell away because they were time wasters anyway (stopped calling, couldn’t be bothered to ask me out before the weekend, wouldn’t commit after a set period of time), or I lost interest in them for the normal reasons.By 2013 (Age 29), I was happily enjoying following the rules. Single life as a rules girl is fun after all. I was out on New Year’s Eve, I went out to a bar simply to be social. A very good looking man spied me across the bar and smiled while I was chatting away with friends I had made that night. I did not approach him, though I kept my face happy and open. Eventually he came up to me introduced himself and we had a brief conversation. Before the night was over, he did not ask for my number, and I did not offer it (if a guy likes you enough, he’ll ask for your number). The conversation ended and I went home. I didn’t really think about it again. But apparently he did.3 months later, I was coincidentally at the same bar meeting a friend of mine. He and I made eye contact once more. We chatted and this time, knowing I wasn’t going to make it easy for him, he made sure to get my number. I didn’t hear from him until Friday the following week. He sent me a very funny flirtatious text message asking if I wanted to I wanted to go out that same weekend. It would have been so easy to say yes, but years of trial and error with the rules had finally taught me my lesson. A few hours later, I very politely and flirtatiously told him, that as much as I’d like to, sorry, I was fully booked. Well, guess what? He called me the following Wednesday to ask me out for that weekend. And after our date that weekend, I gave him a kiss as thank you for the dinner and great conversation—but left him outside my door.Later in our relationship, he admitted to me that the fact that I didn’t make it easy for him made a huge impression. He said he thought it meant that I didn’t have self esteem issues. He also thought it meant that I wasn’t the type of girl who slept around, which when a guy is looking for a girl he wants to commit to means a lot.By all definitions, we had a rules relationship. I continued to date (but never be intimate) with others until he told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted a monogamous relationship with me, which really only took a few weeks. I never called him. He always called me. He took me on dates that he planned ahead, bought me flowers and on holidays and bought me thoughtful gifts. He didn’t have a lot of money, so nothing was too expensive—and that was fine by me. He told me he loved me first – of course, by this time, I was far gone. I simply let him pursue me. I didn’t pressure him one iota. I gave him what he needed to fall in love – In a world of easy hook ups, if he wanted to be with me, he had to make some effort…and I gave him space. No manipulation needed. He told me how he felt when he felt it, and I responded in turn.So was it really that surprising that on my 30th birthday, 7 months into our relationship, he got down on one knee and proposed? When we got married a year and a half later(long engagement was intentional) , how surprising was it that in the wedding vows he read to me that it was the best day of his life when I “Finally agreed to go out†with him.And guess what? I don’t worry one bit if my husband is out this second looking for the next girl. I may not be beautiful, but I don’t worry, because to him, I am a “creature unlike any other.â€To this day, I’m not sure what would have happened with my husband if I didn’t learn to follow the rules. What would have happened if I had gone up to the attractive guy who had smiled at me at the bar? Because I went up to him, he might of thought I must have really liked him, and maybe we would have hooked up that night…and why would he want to see that girl again (except for easy sex), because who knows who else she picked up at a bar? Or what if I had simply asked him for his number on New Year’s Eve? I would have called him and asked him out! Sure we probably would have ended up going to Starbucks for our first date and I would have missed out on him putting all that effort into planning our first date at the little Italian bistro, and he would have missed that opportunity to feel so proud of himself, and we would have instead pleasantly chitchatted. Or what if I had invited him in after our first date? Actually, this one, I do know. My husband admitted to me that he probably would have taken full advantage of the opportunity, but he wouldn’t have thought very highly of me for it. He said he would have assumed that I did that with all of my dates. What would have happened if I called or texted him regularly instead of waiting for him to make the first move? He might have felt pressured and it probably would have ended. What would have happened if I didn’t continue to date after I met my husband? Well, I probably would have started to go out of my mind waiting for him to call or text or set up the next date, because I didn’t have much else going on…and I would have done what so many other girls do, which is put so much pressure on a relationship (in their heads) and then be devastated when it doesn’t work out the way it went in their minds. What if I had said “I love you†first? Maybe he would have reciprocated, but what if he was building up to it – (which is what happened, he brought me flowers), and I had just taken away his opportunity to make a romantic gesture…or what if he hadn’t quite been there yet – he might have gotten there eventually, but I just made him have to confront his feelings of where he was at the time I said I love you…and it probably would have broken us up.While the “wear sexy clothes and straighten your hair†parts are a little demeaning, the rest is pretty damn accurate. And honestly, do you really not dress up for a date? That’s just sad.The rules remind me of the way my parents used to make me act when I was a teenager living under their roof. When a boy would come to pick me up, my parents would bodily block the door to prevent me from responding to a honked horn. My mom would take all the money in my wallet so that I absolutely could not offer to pay for whatever the evening’s entertainments were. I had a curfew so I couldn’t get up to too much trouble. My parents said it had nothing to do with male chauvinism or old fashioned behavior; it was simply about making sure the guy had respect for me. Even though he and I now have a joint account, my husband still uses his debit card to pay for our dinner when we go out –it’s a guy pride thing, apparently. He likes the idea of “providing†for me, even though I out earn him.The truth is, if a guy likes you, he is going to call. He is going to want to book your time before anyone else can monopolize you. He is going to want to treat you like your special, because a girl with self respect isn’t afraid to leave a guy who isn’t treating her well. He is going to want you to only go out with him, and yes, he is going to want to marry you to make sure that you will spend the rest of your life with him and him alone…because you’re not about to live with or play house with anyone who isn’t your husband.The rules are dating rules – they are time tested traditions that let men follow their instincts. Because frankly, if he doesn’t follow the rules on his own, the chances are he’s not that into you anyway…and why would you want to waste your time with a guy who you have to call if you want to spend time with him? Why would you want to be with a guy who treats you poorly, neglects you or thinks you’re too clingy because you want to go out on date night…and then makes you pay?It took me so many years to figure out that it was OK, to let my feminist ideals slide a little bit for dating. I owe my happiness to this book. Following the rules is a little bit like dieting. It’s a lifestyle adjustment – and if you slip up, you definitely feel it. Any time I met a guy and didn’t follow the rules, I knew I probably wouldn’t see him again. It was true time after time. But it’s easy to get back on course and when you start strictly adhering, you start to see some results, and start having quite a bit of fun. I only wish I hadn’t wasted so much time. But in the end, I’m glad I got out of my own way. This book is definitely worth a read. Like I said, they work.
Basically the exact same book as the original, cheaper, rules book. Weirdly in this version they've deemphasized the chapter on not living with men. This makes little sense to me since living together is more common now than it was in the 90s.I pretty much take what I think is useful and forget the rest. The reminders to tend to your own life, keep busy, make your goals happen, and not lose yourself in a relationship are always good. As always idgaf about their appearance advice. Though unlike their prior book, this one has a whole chapter dedicated to telling women not get fat. Wow. Now where are women going to be reminded of how awful being fat is in Western society? I'd like to warmly thank the authors for this rare gem of an opinion. Really all you need to do is tend to your health and take pride in your appearance. I also found the suggestions to have blonde hair and to wear blue or green contacts to be very white people centric. I'm Asian. I would look absurdly fake with blonde hair and green contacts and I find the suggestion that that's what I need to do to be attractive racist frankly.The number one thing to get from this book is to have your own fulfilling life so you don't act desperate or clingy with men. Being happy and independent is the ultimate way to attract anyone, not just dates.
We have been married 11 years now and have a 9 year old daughter. I was tired of being dumped over and over again and finally submitted to The Rules to a T. It worked. I’m buying the latest version for a friend.
Helped me understand men..it talks about how to not throw your self to men..women today have sex on the first night and think that men are going to fall in love with AND IT NEVER happens then they get caught up in a trap.. there books explain how to behave hold back from being desperate and wait or slow down let the guy come to u. THESE BOOKS really did HELP ME. THANK YOU LADIES ..
I'd heard of this book but never given it much thought. Since I tend to attract guys easily and am always in one long-term relationship after another - from the 4 year relationship with my high school sweetheart where I broke it off to my most recent relationship where we moved in together after 6 months of dating then lived together for almost two years until I ended it - I thought I was doing things right but just hadn't found the right guy. Wrong! After reading this book I realized I've been breaking so many of these rules. So while I attract guys frequently, am almost always the one to end the relationship and even got as far as becoming engaged to one and living with another, I must be doing something wrong if I'm 30 and no closer to getting married than the day I had my first kiss at 14. I don't mean that all women need to be married by 30 but I always assumed that I would be, especially since I have invested so many years of my life on serious dating! After reading this book I can see so many mistakes that I made with my ex fiancé and my ex live-in boyfriend. From moving in before I had a ring or his last name to covering his half of the rent when he was having financial troubles created largely by debt he had before he even met me! Now that I've started dating again after my break up I found myself making all kinds of mistakes such as talking about my ex on dates, responding immediately to his texts, rescheduling for a Sunday lunch date when he had to cancel our Saturday night date the previous evening with a lame excuse, or even having a bit too much to drink and making out with a guy the night we met at the bar and then feeling hurt when I realized he was only looking for something casual! These are all mistakes that I am sure not to make again now that I've read the rules. I found this book so helpful that I'm going to buy the original Rules as well.
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