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Guys and Dolls and Other Writings (Penguin Classics), by Damon Runyon
Free PDF Guys and Dolls and Other Writings (Penguin Classics), by Damon Runyon
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About the Author
Damon Runyon (1880-1946) grew up in the West, moved to New York City, and became one of the leading voices of American popular culture. He is best remembered for his descriptions of New York City's Broadway society during the Prohibition era.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
ROMANCE IN THE ROARING FORTIES Only a rank sucker will think of taking two peeks at Dave the Dude’s doll, because while Dave may stand for the first peek, figuring it is a mistake, it is a sure thing he will get sored up at the second peek, and Dave the Dude is certainly not a man to have sored up at you. But this Waldo Winchester is one hundred per cent sucker, which is why he takes quite a number of peeks at Dave’s doll. And what is more, she takes quite a number of peeks right back at him. And there you are. When a guy and a doll get to taking peeks back and forth at each other, why, there you are indeed. This Waldo Winchester is a nice-looking young guy who writes pieces about Broadway for the Morning Item. He writes about the goings-on in night clubs, such as fights, and one thing and another, and also about who is running around with who, including guys and dolls. Sometimes this is very embarrassing to people who may be married and are running around with people who are not married, but of course Waldo Winchester cannot be expected to ask one and all for their marriage certificates before he writes his pieces for the paper. The chances are if Waldo Winchester knows Miss Billy Perry is Dave the Dude’s doll, he will never take more than his first peek at her, but nobody tips him off until his second or third peek, and by this time Miss Billy Perry is taking her peeks back at him and Waldo Winchester is hooked. In fact, he is plumb gone, and being a sucker, like I tell you, he does not care whose doll she is. Personally, I do not blame him much, for Miss Billy Perry is worth a few peeks, especially when she is out on the floor of Miss Missouri Martin’s Sixteen Hundred Club doing her tap dance. Still, I do not think the best tap-dancer that ever lives can make me take two peeks at her if I know she is Dave the Dude’s doll, for Dave somehow thinks more than somewhat of his dolls. He especially thinks plenty of Miss Billy Perry, and sends her fur coats, and diamond rings, and one thing and another, which she sends back to him at once, because it seems she does not take presents from guys. This is considered most surprising all along Broadway, but people figure the chances are she has some other angle. Anyway, this does not keep Dave the Dude from liking her just the same, and so she is considered his doll by one and all, and is respected accordingly until this Waldo Winchester comes along. It happens that he comes along while Dave the Dude is off in the Modoc on a little run down to the Bahamas to get some goods for his business, such as Scotch and champagne, and by the time Dave gets back Miss Billy Perry and Waldo Winchester are at the stage where they sit in corners between her numbers and hold hands. Of course nobody tells Dave the Dude about this, because they do not wish to get him excited. Not even Miss Missouri Martin tells him, which is most unusual because Miss Missouri Martin, who is sometimes called “Mizzoo” for short, tells everything she knows as soon as she knows it, which is very often before it happens. You see, the idea is when Dave the Dude is excited he may blow somebody’s brains out, and the chances are it will be nobody’s brains but Waldo Winchester’s, although some claim that Waldo Winchester has no brains or he will not be hanging around Dave the Dude’s doll. I know Dave is very, very fond of Miss Billy Perry, because I hear him talk to her several times, and he is most polite to her and never gets out of line in her company by using cuss words, or anything like this. Furthermore, one night when One-eyed Solly Abrahams is a little stewed up he refers to Miss Billy Perry as a broad, meaning no harm whatever, for this is the way many of the boys speak of the dolls. But right away Dave the Dude reaches across the table and bops One-eyed Solly right in the mouth, so everybody knows from then on that Dave thinks well of Miss Billy Perry. Of course Dave is always thinking fairly well of some doll as far as this goes, but it is seldom he gets to bopping guys in the mouth over them. Well, one night what happens but Dave the Dude walks into the Sixteen Hundred Club, and there in the entrance, what does he see but this Waldo Winchester and Miss Billy Perry kissing each other back and forth friendly. Right away Dave reaches for the old equalizer to shoot Waldo Winchester, but it seems Dave does not happen to have the old equalizer with him, not expecting to have to shoot anybody this particular evening. So Dave the Dude walks over and, as Waldo Winchester hears him coming and lets go his strangle-hold on Miss Billy Perry, Dave nails him with a big right hand on the chin. I will say for Dave the Dude that he is a fair puncher with his right hand, though his left is not so good, and he knocks Waldo Winchester bow-legged. In fact, Waldo folds right up on the floor. Well, Miss Billy Perry lets out a screech you can hear clear to the Battery and runs over to where Waldo Winchester lights, and falls on top of him squalling very loud. All anybody can make out of what she says is that Dave the Dude is a big bum, although Dave is not so big, at that, and that she loves Waldo Winchester. Dave walks over and starts to give Waldo Winchester the leather, which is considered customary in such cases, but he seems to change his mind, and instead of booting Waldo around, Dave turns and walks out of the joint looking very black and mad, and the next anybody hears of him he is over in the Chicken Club doing plenty of drinking. This is regarded as a very bad sign indeed, because while everybody goes to the Chicken Club now and then to give Tony Bertazzola, the owner, a friendly play, very few people care to do any drinking there, because Tony’s liquor is not meant for anybody to drink except the customers. Well, Miss Billy Perry gets Waldo Winchester on his pegs again, and wipes his chin off with her handkerchief, and by and by he is all okay except for a big lump on his chin. And all the time she is telling Waldo Winchester what a big bum Dave the Dude is, although afterwards Miss Missouri Martin gets hold of Miss Billy Perry and puts the blast on her plenty for chasing a two-handed spender such as Dave the Dude out of the joint. “You are nothing but a little sap,” Miss Missouri Martin tells Miss Billy Perry. “You cannot get the right time off this newspaper guy, while everybody knows Dave the Dude is a very fast man with a dollar.” “But I love Mr. Winchester,” says Miss Billy Perry. “He is so romantic. He is not a bootlegger and a gunman like Dave the Dude. He puts lovely pieces in the paper about me, and he is a gentleman at all times.” Now of course Miss Missouri Martin is not in a position to argue about gentlemen, because she meets very few in the Sixteen Hundred Club and anyway, she does not wish to make Waldo Winchester mad as he is apt to turn around and put pieces in his paper that will be a knock to the joint, so she lets the matter drop. Miss Billy Perry and Waldo Winchester go on holding hands between her numbers, and maybe kissing each other now and then, as young people are liable to do, and Dave the Dude plays the chill for the Sixteen Hundred Club and everything seems to be all right. Naturally we are all very glad there is no more trouble over the proposition, because the best Dave can get is the worst of it in a jam with a newspaper guy. Personally, I figure Dave will soon find himself another doll and forget all about Miss Billy Perry, because now that I take another peek at her, I can see where she is just about the same as any other tap-dancer, except that she is red-headed. Tap-dancers are generally blackheads, but I do not know why. Moosh, the doorman at the Sixteen Hundred Club, tells me Miss Missouri Martin keeps plugging for Dave the Dude with Miss Billy Perry in a quiet way, because he says he hears Miss Missouri Martin make the following crack one night to her: “Well, I do not see any Simple Simon on your lean and linger.” This is Miss Missouri Martin’s way of saying she sees no diamond on Miss Billy Perry’s finger, for Miss Missouri Martin is an old experienced doll, who figures if a guy loves a doll he will prove it with diamonds. Miss Missouri Martin has many diamonds herself, though how any guy can ever get himself heated up enough about Miss Missouri Martin to give her diamonds is more than I can see. I am not a guy who goes around much, so I do not see Dave the Dude for a couple of weeks, but late one Sunday afternoon little Johnny McGowan, who is one of Dave’s men, comes and says to me like this: “What do you think? Dave grabs the scribe a little while ago and is taking him out for an airing!” Well, Johnny is so excited it is some time before I can get him cooled out enough to explain. It seems that Dave the Dude gets his biggest car out of the garage and sends his driver, Wop Joe, over to the Item office where Waldo Winchester works, with a message that Miss Billy Perry wishes to see Waldo right away at Miss Missouri Martin’s apartment on Fifty-ninth Street. Of course this message is nothing but the phonus bolonus, but Waldo drops in for it and gets in the car. Then Wop Joe drives him up to Miss Missouri Martin’s apartment, and who gets in the car there but Dave the Dude. And away they go. Now this is very bad news indeed, because when Dave the Dude takes a guy out for an airing the guy very often does not come back. What happens to him I never ask, because the best a guy can get by asking questions in this man’s town is a bust in the nose. But I am much worried over this proposition, because I like Dave the Dude, and I know that taking a newspaper guy like Waldo Winchester out for an airing is apt to cause talk, especially if he does not come back. The other guys that Dave the Dude takes out for airings do not mean much in particular, but here is a guy who may produce trouble, even if he is a sucker, on account of being connected with a newspaper. I know enough about newspapers to know that by and by the editor or somebody will be around wishing to know where Waldo Winchester’s pieces about Broadway are, and if there are no pieces from Waldo Winchester, the editor will wish to know why. Finally it will get around to where other people will wish to know, and after a while many people will be running around saying: “Where is Waldo Winchester?” And if enough people in this town get to running around saying where is So-and-so, it becomes a great mystery and the newspapers hop on the cops and the cops hop on everybody, and by and by there is so much heat in town that it is no place for a guy to be. But what is to be done about this situation I do not know. Personally, it strikes me as very bad indeed, and while Johnny goes away to do a little telephoning, I am trying to think up someplace to go where people will see me, and remember afterwards that I am there in case it is necessary for them to remember. Finally Johnny comes back, very excited, and says: “Hey, the Dude is up at the Woodcock Inn on the Pelham Parkway, and he is sending out the word for one and all to come at once. Good Time Charley Bernstein just gets the wire and tells me. Something is doing. The rest of the mob are on their way, so let us be moving.” But here is an invitation which does not strike me as a good thing at all. The way I look at it, Dave the Dude is no company for a guy like me at this time. The chances are he either does something to Waldo Winchester already, or is getting ready to do something to him which I wish no part of. Personally, I have nothing against newspaper guys, not even the ones who write pieces about Broadway. If Dave the Dude wishes to do something to Waldo Winchester, all right, but what is the sense of bringing outsiders into it? But the next thing I know, I am in Johnny McGowan’s roadster, and he is zipping along very fast indeed, paying practically no attention to traffic lights or anything else. As we go busting out the Concourse, I get to thinking the situation over, and I figure that Dave the Dude probably keeps thinking about Miss Billy Perry, and drinking liquor such as they sell in the Chicken Club, until finally he blows his topper. The way I look at it, only a guy who is off his nut will think of taking a newspaper guy out for an airing over a doll, when dolls are a dime a dozen in this man’s town. Still, I remember reading in the papers about a lot of different guys who are considered very sensible until they get tangled up with a doll, and maybe loving her, and the first thing anybody knows they hop out of windows, or shoot themselves, or somebody else, and I can see where even a guy like Dave the Dude may go daffy over a doll. I can see that little Johnny McGowan is worried, too, but he does not say much, and we pull up in front of the Woodcock Inn in no time whatever, to find a lot of other cars there ahead of us, some of which I recognize as belonging to different parties. The Woodcock Inn is what is called a roadhouse, and is run by Big Nig Skolsky, a very nice man indeed, and a friend of everybody’s. It stands back a piece off the Pelham Parkway and is a very pleasant place to go to, what with Nig having a good band and a floor show with a lot of fair-looking dolls, and everything else a man can wish for a good time. It gets a nice play from nice people, although Nig’s liquor is nothing extra.
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Product details
Series: Penguin Classics
Paperback: 656 pages
Publisher: Penguin Classics; Annotated edition edition (May 27, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0141186720
ISBN-13: 978-0141186726
Product Dimensions:
5.1 x 1 x 7.7 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.3 out of 5 stars
24 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#569,546 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Damon Runyon is by far, without a doubt, one of the greatest authors who has ever lived. He genuinely captures New York City in the most fantastic way! His city-smart, satirical stories are the realest depiction of make-believe I have ever read. If you love comedy, if you love classic gangster literature or films, if you love the City of old New York and all the bright lights of Broadway and the glitz and glamour of Times Square, then you will love the stories of Damon Runyon... Enjoy!!
Readers who know Damon Runyon only through his Broadway stories may think that he was a writer of shtick. Good shtick, but shtick. This Penguin collection shows that not to be the case.Right from the start, when he was under 30, Runyon could write a good running story, although he was nearly 50 before he began writing fiction regularly. He seems to have found his Broadway voice right off the bat when he began writing the Guys and Dolls stories in 1929. Although he ground out nearly a story a month for Collier's, the quality remained high. He never seems to have rushed or to have tossed one off.But as this collection shows, something dark happened to Runyon's fiction as time went by. It is sometimes claimed that a thoughtful editor's selection can change the way readers value a writer. This supposedly happened when the Viking Portable Faulkner rescued William Faulkner from relegation to a place as an oddball failure.It is not stated who made the selections in this 2008 collection, the latest of many, but presumably Professor Daniel Schwartz had a big hand in it. I cannot say I think much of his commentary, which sounds at times as if he didn't read the stories. At least, while I hear the Yiddish slang in the Broadway stories, I don't hear the Italian that Schwartz says is so prevalent. Some of his other comments seem equally off base.However, by arranging the Broadway stories in order of publication (for the practical reason that the characters recur and need to be properly introduced, he says), and by including very early stories, it becomes obvious that Runyon's plots got more violent over time.Many, perhaps most of his stories were reworkings of news events -- the shootings of gamblers, kidnappings etc. But right from the start, Runyon softened real crimes. The 1907 "Defense of Strikerville," presumably based on a particular event, though I cannot identify which one, turned militia assaults on helpless miners and their families with real bullets into a comic snowball fight. (The Ludlow Massacre would be the template, but it happened later.)The early Broadway stories, too, tended to rework real violence into comic horseplay. As in Shakespeare, there was plenty of murder in the background but almost always off stage. In the early stories, the right guy and the right doll usually ended up mated, and those were the stories that Hollywood liked, like "Madame La Gimp."Even the tearjerkers, which Hollywood liked even better, saw death come from disease, not the mouth of a John Roscoe, as in "Little Miss Marker." The apparent exception, "Dark Dolores," proves this rule. The wronged doll resorts to trickery and natural forces, not guns, for her revenge.Later, the denouements turned more and more to gunplay, notably in the extremely bitter "Sense of Humor." I don't think Runyon's view of life darkened so very much. The very last piece he wrote, a history of the Stork Club, was bright; and the essays he wrote about his own final illness were as realistic and tough as anything he ever wrote about Broadway, but also without self-pity -- or much of any other kind of pity.I suspect the gunplay and on-stage violence were a reaction to the movies. His Broadway stories even compare his real originals at times to the pretend tough guys like Robinson and Cagney. Stories on the printed page are capable of more subtlety than visual stories. That is why film "documentaries" always have to focus on vigorous action even when quiet negotiations were the real story, and that is why newspaper stories are inherently more balanced than televised accounts of the same event.But when the two collide, it is print that moves toward the graphic, trying to hold an audience; the graphic presentations never, ever veer toward subtlety and complexity. I think Runyon's stories display that in an early stage of the debasement of public presentation.Runyon may have had to play to the taste of the times, but he never lost his edge. Just about the time he wrote "Sense of Humor," he also wrote "The Lemon-drop Kid," where disease, not gunplay, carries the plot, and nobody, not even Runyon, ever wrote a more bitter tale.From first to last, Runyon never wavered from the view, expressed by Sam the Gonoph in a late story ("A Nice Price," his bloodiest): "All life is six to five against."
If you have no sense of humor, and/or understanding of the gambling and gamboling underworld of New York, avoid this collection of literary masterpieces. If, however, you do enjoy a good laugh, this is your ideal "go to" book.
Great stories by one of the most unique and memorable voices in 20th century American literature. I bought the book to research for a production of "Guys and Dolls" and I learned so much about Runyon's world and his idiom.
It's the almost collected Runyon, with that inimitable crim-speak jargon and that usually accomplished twitch from comedy to tragedy that exemplifies his work. What more's to say?
One of the very few books I re-read. The short stories are some of Mr. Runyon's best. What a bunch of colorful characters. YouTube "Damon Runyon Theater" and listen to the old radio show.
Damon Runyon's narrator calls someone a "curly wolf" in one these stories. I have no idea what this means, but I will remember it for a long time. I imagine a curly wolf is not a good thing to be, as many of his characters have character issues. He may have made this term up, along with others like "the old phonus bolonus." Either way, about two stories in, I asked myself, "Where has this guy been all my life?" I can't believe I went as long as I did without these hilarious and touching stories. Buy this book and if you don't like it, check your pulse.
Damon Runyon's stories are brilliant - for those of us who like them. If you do, this is a great book except that it's missing a few stories, and one wonders why the collection couldn't have been more complete.
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